Spring Break
Ralph's Valentine's Day picks
Ralph MacDonald
Issue date: 2/11/09 Section: Entertainment
Ralph's Valentine's Day Picks
Valentine's Day can be a stressful experience for the unprepared. The night belongs to the girl, and excuses like "Baby I didn't know the ant farm would break" just will not do the trick if you botch her special day. Fortunately for you, you have a chronically single guy to give you advice.
1. Candlelight dinner at the Lair. Nothing says I love you like a romantic candlelight dinner. Having said dinner in the Lair allows you to both charge the dinner to your Lynx card and get in a quick game of table tennis in before she rushes you off to give you your well-earned Valentine's Day nookie.
2. Matching tattoos. Don't settle for the cliché, heart-framed names, nothing says "I love you" like a little originality. If you are having some trouble thinking outside the box, consider these fine ideas: Favorite sports-team logos, the heads of your favorite Grey's Anatomy characters, or your Favorite Soulja Boy lyric.
3. Horse-carriage ride downtown. Hand-warmers, cigarettes, and manure, this is how babies get made.
4. Bowling. How better to show your girlfriend how beautiful she is than by taking her to a place that consistently draws unattractive people? Not only will she feel like a queen, but she will be oh-so-grateful for you when she lays eyes on the morbidly obese men who roll 240's while swallowing their food whole.
5. A trip to the Paris Theatre. Be sure to wear your matching raincoats and galoshes and bring home some new ideas for Valentines night. Make sure you both stretch first though.
6. A trip to Tunica. Make sure she brings her rent money, after all, you are a roulette pro.
Valentine's Day can be a stressful experience for the unprepared. The night belongs to the girl, and excuses like "Baby I didn't know the ant farm would break" just will not do the trick if you botch her special day. Fortunately for you, you have a chronically single guy to give you advice.
1. Candlelight dinner at the Lair. Nothing says I love you like a romantic candlelight dinner. Having said dinner in the Lair allows you to both charge the dinner to your Lynx card and get in a quick game of table tennis in before she rushes you off to give you your well-earned Valentine's Day nookie.
2. Matching tattoos. Don't settle for the cliché, heart-framed names, nothing says "I love you" like a little originality. If you are having some trouble thinking outside the box, consider these fine ideas: Favorite sports-team logos, the heads of your favorite Grey's Anatomy characters, or your Favorite Soulja Boy lyric.
3. Horse-carriage ride downtown. Hand-warmers, cigarettes, and manure, this is how babies get made.
4. Bowling. How better to show your girlfriend how beautiful she is than by taking her to a place that consistently draws unattractive people? Not only will she feel like a queen, but she will be oh-so-grateful for you when she lays eyes on the morbidly obese men who roll 240's while swallowing their food whole.
5. A trip to the Paris Theatre. Be sure to wear your matching raincoats and galoshes and bring home some new ideas for Valentines night. Make sure you both stretch first though.
6. A trip to Tunica. Make sure she brings her rent money, after all, you are a roulette pro.
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